Updated Sep 16, 2026

I have been using whatsapp for my entire adult life. So much, my adult brain has unwillingly adapted to the messaging tool many of us use. I get excited or nervous seeing the little red bubble on the app icon. I am used to instant connection between me and my overseas friends in the late hours of the night.

I have all this connection (as long as I keep my phone charged), yet, I don't feel satisfied. I feel anxiety when someone sends me a message and I don't have a nice answer. I feel bad when I have to let someone down the moment they ask for help. I know the pain of a deep conversation going on to long whilst procrastinating.

I wonder what it would be like if the girl I loved was away on holiday and I needed to send a letter in the post instead of taking out my phone. I would have to wait days to weeks to get a response. If I wrote something I wasn't proud of I would have days to think about what I wrote instead of it being read, responded to, and buried in a flood of new messages within minutes.

Would I learn how to better communicate my thoughts if I had all that time to think about what the next letter will be? Could I have stopped arguments before they even happened just by thinking over what I was writing?

What I use whatsapp for

I have used whatsapp for everything to getting school notes to deep marital discussions and disputes. I wrote things I think are funny. I wrote things I don't believe and am not proud of. For the most part, I don't remember most of the things I wrote — but meta does.

On the one hand it is interesting to see who I once was, to get a window into my past self that I don't fully remember. On the other hand, I have the current life I am building, and I don't feel like I gain much (other than slight entertainment) in looking back on who I was.

I have more stress on losing the messages than benefit from having them.

What I want — fantasy

I want to eat the cake, but have it too! In my perfect world, I have the time to meet everyone I am interested in. Go from cafe to cafe just talking about life with friends or interesting strangers met in my travels.

No one would get offended for not answering them because I keep a holiday. Nor would I get someone's message of suicide that would stoke an ever lasting fear of leaving my phone behind. I would have the perfect answer for any message and would deny people with grace every time without spending time practicing being graceful.

Meta would not be indefinitely saving my messages on their servers. My communication apps would not use my usage to guess my needs and shove advertisements in my face. I would have the ability to transfer my sentimental messages from one device or another and be able to change my phone number without fear of losing memories.

What a wonderful world I can dream of.

How I want to use whatsapp today

As of Sep 2026

I tell myself I am trying to be rational; to get the most benefit with the least stress/effort while keeping my ideals. I want to use whatsapp for momentary less important conversations and for updates. None of my messages should be saved automatically.

As I reach for my [[my take on travelers notebook]] more and more, I realize that if something makes me feel especially good, or bad, I should write it down or go over it. If something is not that important and I am saving it for the "what if one day I will look back on this" I don't want it.

I will continue to use whatsapp and promote contact via my new usersname. But, I will limit the time I am able to access whatsapp. I will have access to whatsapp for 15 minutes at a time every 3 hours, with only 1 emergency unlock. I use foqos to lock whatsapp and other apps, so I don't have to force myself to not open whatsapp on my own. I save my precious willpower that I save for more important things.

Conclusion

I don't know what the best system for communicating is. I am looking for something that works for me, and hopefully will allow me to live with less stress in a world of constant communication. I hope this page helped you think about what you want out of whatsapp.

Thank you kindly for making it to the end.

I am interested in your thoughts and where these ideas meet you. I would like to hear your thoughts over a cup of coffee — or especially a cup of tea.